Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
