After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
