What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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