the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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