last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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