Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
