Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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