I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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