My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
