Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
