i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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