the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
