I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Come on in and take your pants off
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