it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
