She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
