i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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