life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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