well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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