i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
