I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my being single is dangerous.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
