I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
