hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
