All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
