I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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