hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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