why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize