sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
