ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
