Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
