Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
