How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
