Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
