I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
