Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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