i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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