Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
