I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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