Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
