I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
