If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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