Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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