Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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