i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
