Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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