her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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