so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
