did you get engaged???
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
