hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
