new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
