People in love make me want to vomit
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The Olympian is in my bed
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
