I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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