If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
