I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
