this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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