just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
