So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
