I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
