Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
