you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
