I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
