bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
