i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
