Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
