Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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