Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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