were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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