He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There's always time for handjobs
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
