Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
