I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Are we still banned from the library?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It was a blind-side dick pic.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
