There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
