no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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