i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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