I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
