sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
