Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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