Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
