Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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