Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
