I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
