i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
