I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Damn victory sex feels great
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
