Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
